Secret Dreams - To Thwart Villainous Schemes
by TouchedbyaMunster
Summary: This story serves as both a follow-up to the ending the "Chandell's Chanteuse" Batman '66 comic story, and a precursor to the Archie meets Batman '66 crossover (no Archie characters featured though). It features a team-up between the Sandman and Minerva, as played by Michael Rennie and Zsa Zsa Gabor respectively, on the Batman TV series.
1. Secrets and Dreams

**A BEAUTIFUL MORNING IN GOTHAM CITY! A BEAUTIFUL MORNING TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL AS WEALTHY WOMEN GO TO GET THEIR HAIR DONE AT THE LOCAL BEAUTY SALON AND SPA! AND LOOK WHO ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS IS! **

"It was so sweet of Bruce and Dick to treat me to a spa day!" Harriet Cooper exclaimed. "I can't wait to see my new hairdo, miss!"

"Don't worry, dahling," a blonde woman with a thick Hungarian accent said, "Vhen I'm through vith you, you'll be feeling like a new voman!" She lowered a special hair dryer over her head. She pressed a switch, and suddenly the doting Mrs. Cooper was put in a trance.

"Now, tell me, dahling," the baleful beautician cooed, "Vhere does millionaire Bruce Vayne keep his money at home?"

"Behind the portrait…of his parents…in the main living room." Harriet answered groggily.

"Divine, dahling!" the blonde exclaimed. Harriet Cooper snapped out of her trance. The spa owner took off the hairdryer. "How do you like it?"

"It looks fantastic!" Harriet exclaimed, "Wait'll the boys see this!"

"Before you go, you simply must try our new patented perfume!" the spa owner said.

"Oh, thank you!" she said, taking a whiff of a strong cinnamon smell, "What a lovely scent! Thank you for all you've done for me, miss. Oh, heavens! I forgot your name!"

"Just call me Minerva, dahling!" she said.

"Oh, well thank you, Minerva," Harriet said. "Bruce already paid for it, right?"

"Of course, dahling!" Minerva said, "Have a pleasant evening!" She walked out the door.

"I trust that went well, Minerva?" a male, British voice asked from the back room.

"Divine, dahling!" Minerva said.

"Excellent!" the man said. He had gray hair and wore a brown fur coat. "Soon Mrs. Cooper will be off to dreamland and will give us the Wayne fortune!"

"And no one will ever be the wiser, Sandman, dahling!" Minerva said.

"**SECRET DREAMS"**

**Special Guest Villain - Extra Special Guest Villainess**

**MICHAEL RENNIE - ZSA ZSA GABOR**

**As the Sandman - as Minerva**

**THAT NIGHT AT STATELY WAYNE MANOR, AS BRUCE AND DICK ARE OUT ON NIGHTLY PATROL AS BATMAN AND ROBIN, HARRIET COOPER IS FAST ASLEEP…**

"Harriet…" a ghost-like voice whispers. Suddenly, the elderly woman rises in a dazed state. She walked down the stairs and into the living room. As Alfred was doing his late-night dusting, he spotted Harriet walk past him.

"Mrs. Cooper!" Alfred exclaimed. He saw her remove the portrait in the living room and open the vault. "Madam, what are you doing? Kindly put down Master Bruce's money."

The entranced Harriet knocked Alfred out by hitting him over the head with the money sack and wandered away into the night. Soon she came to the Sandman's lair.

"Here's…the money…doctor…" Harriet said in a daze.

"Thank you my dear, Mrs. Cooper," Sandman said, "When you awaken in an hour, you will be back in Stately Wayne Manor with no memory of what has transpired. Now, be on your way and pleasant dreams!"

"Thank you…Doctor" she replied, drearily. As she walked off, Minerva came out of hiding.

"Our plan is going swimmingly, Minerva, my dear," Sandman said, "With the combination of your secret-extracting machines and my sleeping formulas, we'll make millions! Now I'll we have to do is wait for the right person to test my new, upgraded formula."

**MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE BATCAVE…**

The Batmobile entered as Batman and Robin promptly got out of it.

"Gosh, Batman, I can't believe how quiet Gotham was tonight," Robin said.

"Two muggings and one attempted car-jacking can hardly be considered 'quiet', old chum," Batman said.

"I know," Robin said, "But where are all our enemies? Riddler? Catwoman? Joker? King Tut? Even Dr. Cassandra or Puzzler?"

"The super-criminal database should let us know where our enemies are," Batman said, "Though we should be grateful Warden Crichton's theories on advanced penology seem to be working for now, and and Dr. Leland seems to be running the Arkham Institute smoothly ever since Hugo Strange and Dr. Quinn turned to crime."

"Yeah, who would've thought one of Arkham's leading doctors was really working with a secret organization bent on global domination?" Robin said.

"Thankfully, with the help of Batgirl and the UNCLE agents, we were able to thwart their foul intentionsi*." Batman said.

"I wonder where Alfred is." Robin said, "He's usually dusting the Atomic Pile about now."

"As trustworthy as our stalwart servant is, old chum, he needs his sleep too, as do you and I," Batman said.

"Gosh, you're right again, Batman." Robin said.

"I'm afraid you won't be getting much sleep after all, sirs," came a voice, as Alfred exited the service elevator.

"Alfred!" Robin exclaimed.

"What is it, Alfred?" Batman asked, "Did Commissioner Gordon call while we were out? Which one of our deadly adversaries are we facing this time?"

"It's far worse than that, Sir," Alfred said. "As I was dusting the upstairs living room earlier, I saw Mrs. Cooper walk in. She seemed to be in some sort of trance. She… unlocked the safe behind the painting of your parents, knocked me unconscious and when I came to, she was gone."

"Holy rascally relatives!" Robin exclaimed, "How could Aunt Harriet do such a thing?"

"Rest easy, old chum," Batman said, "She wasn't herself. Alfred said she was in some sort of trance. Which of our assorted enemies has the ability to hypnotize people?"

"Well, the Siren does, but her powers only effect men." Robin said.

"Right again, Robin," Batman said, "And I know for a fact that Joker is locked away in Arkham, ruling him out with his former alias as a hypnotist."

"Hugo Strange tried to hypnotize us," Robin said.

"True," Batman said, "This could be his way of getting revenge on us, though he never actually was able to deduce my true identity despite the weeks of brainwashing."

"If I may interject, Master Bruce," Alfred said, "After I regained consciousness, I quickly rifled through Mrs. Cooper's belongings, in the hope that I might find some clue as to who or what might've put her in this frightful state. I was able to find a receipt in her handbag. You may recall this morning was her scheduled beautician appointment."

"Yes," Batman said, "the one we treated her too. Good at any participating beauty salons and spas in Gotham!"

"She went with a friend since I didn't take her, so I don't know where it was that she went," Alfred said, "…until now." He handed Batman the receipt.

"Great Scott!" Batman exclaimed.

"What is it, Batman?" Robin asked. Batman showed him the receipt.

_ATHENA'S BEAUTY SHOP_

"Holy mythology!" Robin said, "What does it mean, Batman?"

"Well, if you remember your Greek and Roman history, old chum, what is the name of the Roman equivalent for Athena, the goddess of wisdom?"

"Holy hairdos! Minerva!" Robin exclaimed.

"Right again, chum." Batman said. "Alfred, where is Mrs. Cooper now?"

"She's returned home, sir," Alfred said, "As like the after-effects of the Siren's hypnosis, she seems to have no memory of what transpired since this morning and seems to be heavily sedated, with no bat-sleep gas having been administered."

"Let her rest," Batman said. "Let's pay a visit on the illustrious Minerva. The tabloids say she's reformed, but one can never be too sure about the criminals in this city, especially when one's relatives come home from their place of business in a trance. To the Batmobile!"

As they raced off and sped out of the cave, Alfred made a phone call. Across town, Barbara Gordon was reading a book in bed when the phone rang.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Alfred here," Alfred said.

"Hello, Alfred!" Barbara said, "What's going on?"

"I'm so sorry to bother you, Miss Gordon, but I happen to know that Batman and Robin are heading over to the new business of the malfeasant Minerva, and I fear they may be acting brashly."

"Why would you think that, Alfred?" Barbara asked.

"Well, miss, a mutual friend of theirs and mine has been caught, shall we say, in the crosshairs of whatever Miss Minerva is planning and I don't want to see them do anything to jeopardize their position as Gotham's protectors by letting their emotions cloud their judgment."

"So what this situation needs is a woman's touch," Barbara said.

"Precisely," Alfred said.

"I've heard about Minerva's new business in the police files and I've been meaning to get a makeover besides," Barbara said, "Thanks for the tip, Alfred. Bye!"

She hung up the phone and went over to her secret revolving wall.

**AND SO ONCE AGAIN, BARBARA GORDON MAKES HER TANTILIZING CHANGE INTO THAT DOMINOED DAREDOLL, BATGIRL! **

She sped off on the Batgirlcycle.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE SPA, THE DYNAMIC DUO ARRIVE AND CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW. **

"Steady, old chum, there's no telling what we may find here." Batman whispered. They tiptoed around the dark corner, where behind a row of hairdryer chairs, they found a small chemical lab.

"What could Minerva be cooking up with these contemptable chemicals?" Robin asked.

"What indeed, Boy Wonder?" came a male voice. Suddenly, the lights turned on. Standing before them was the sinister somnologist, the Sandman.

"Sandman, you sinister somnologist!" Batman exclaimed, "I should've known you'd be involved in this! Only you could put victims in a hypnotic trance to be reduced to sedated shells later. We know what you've done to Mrs. Harriet Cooper and you will answer for your crimes against humanity!"

"Oh, will I now, Caped Crime-buster?" Sandman asked. "I hardly think so. My lovely new assistant and I will be leaving shortly." Minerva came out of the shadows.

"Minerva, how could you do this?" Batman asked, "You were well on your way to living a reputable life as a productive member of society! How could you throw it all away now?"

"Not throwing away, dahling," Minerva said, "Making better! I had a fabulous time at the vomen's prison, but like Zelda and Blaze observed, vell-behaved vomen don't make history."

"I beg to differ, Minerva!" came a voice, as Batgirl came through the window. "Though I'll have to make note of that quote, it could come in handy for an academic paper someday."

"Batgirl!" Batman exclaimed, "How'd you know we were here?"

"I have my methods, Batman," Batgirl said, "Just as you have yours."

"Glad you could join us, Batgirl!" Sandman said, "You're just in time!"

"For what, Sandman?" Batgirl asked.

"To go sleepy-by!" Sandman said.

"You gonna tranquilize us?" Robin asked.

"Hardly, Wonder Boy," Sandman said, "We'll do it the old-fashioned way! Nap! Snooze! All the rest of you! Put the Terrific Trio to bed!" His henchmen, as well as Minerva's, stood ready to face them.

**POW! **Batman punched Snooze.

**BIFF! **Robin socked Nap in the jaw.

**WHACK! **Batgirl kicked Adonis.

**BAM! **Batman punched Apollo with an uppercut fist to the jaw.

**CRASH! **Atlas broke a vase over Robin's head, knocking him out cold.

"Robin!" Batman exclaimed.

"I'll take it from here, boys," Sandman said, as he administered his sleep gas to Batman and Batgirl.

"Excellent, dahling!" Minerva cooed.

"What should we do with them now, boss?" Snooze asked.

"I have the perfect prescription for them!" Sandman said.

Later, the Terrific Trio found themselves trapped in a giant bed.

"I have to say, as far as bat-traps go, this is probably the most comfortable one I've been in!" Batgirl said.

"Well, you won't be comfortable for long, Batgirl! Sandman said. "Within minutes, this bed will contract, squishing and smothering you all like bugs in a rug. And don't worry about your utility belts, we've removed them."

"You'd might as well tell us your plan then," Batman said.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt," Sandman said, "As the three of you will soon be entering eternal sleep anyway. If you remember a couple years ago, you caught the Siren after she tormented you, Batman, with a special throat spray."

"She never gave up the person who gave it her." Batman said.

"I'm impressed with her loyalty." Sandman said.

"It was you?" Batman asked.

"Indeed it was, Caped Crusader," Sandman said, "When Siren and I were both in THRUSH recruited by Professor Hugo Strange, we talked about the formula, and even collaborated with the Scarecrow to make a more nightmarish aspect to its hallucinogenic properties. We haven't had the chance to test it until now. The unwitting Mrs. Cooper was our first guinea pig."

"You monster!" Robin exclaimed.

"You need a good night's rest, young man," Sandman said. "Thankfully, you'll get it and then some! Obviously we tried something different than a throat spray with this batch, though."

"That's vhere I come in, dahlings," Minerva said, "Vhen Sandman originally approached me vith the idea, I leapt at the chance. It vas so easy to incorporate it into my spa's beauty regimen, cleverly disguised as a new beauty product. Vhen Sandman vent to prison, I re-started my new business from the ground up. Varden Crichton vas very lenient on my sentence. I vas in this for ze long haul."

"Well, we best not give away any more details, Minerva," Sandman said, "Also, you remember the Penguin's Lygerian fruitfliesii, don't you? Well, I thought I'd introduce my own species into the mix: Cimex lectularius, commonly known as bed bugs. And these ones have undergone certain…experiments. Sleep well, Bat-guardians!" Sandman and Minerva walked off as the bed began to compress, the mattress growing ever tighter.

**WILL THE TERRIFIC TRIO BE PERMANENTLY BEDBOUND? **

**WILL THE SANDMAN AND MINERVA GET AWAY WITH THEIR TREACHEROUS SCHEME?**

**CAN BATMAN AVERT DISASTER AND STOP THE DEAD BED BUGS?**

**FOR THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND OTHER STIMULATING QUESTIONS, TUNE IN TOMORROW—**

**SAME BAT-TIME! **

**SAME BAT-WEBSITE! **

i As seen in the Batman '66 meets the Man from U.N.C.L.E. comic crossover

ii As seen in the Batman '66 TV episode, "Penguin's Clean Sweep"


	2. To Thwart Villainous Schemes

**WHEN WE LAST LEFT THE TERRIFIC TRIO, THEY WERE ABOUT TO BE COMPRESSED INTO A GIANT MATTRESS BY THE SANDMAN AND MINERVA, AND MUTATED BEDBUGS READY TO CONSUME THEM! IF THEY CAN'T ESCAPE. IT'S ETERNAL SLUMBER FOR OUR HEROES—AND A NIGHTMARISH FUTURE FOR GOTHAM CITY! KEEP YOUR BAT-WINGS CROSSED FOR ONE AGONIZING SECOND—THE WORST IS YET TO COME! **

**TO THWART VILLAINOUS SCHEMES **

** SPECIAL GUEST VILLAIN - - EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST VILLAINESS**

** MICHAEL RENNIE - - ZSA ZSA GABOR**

** As - - as**

** The Sandman - - Minerva**

Batman, Robin, and Batgirl struggled to get loose from the mattress.

"Whoever thought it'd be this difficult to get out of bed!" Batgirl said.

"Holy slumber parties!" Robin said, "The Sandman really packed us in like bugs in a rug!"

"Funny you should mention bugs, Boy Wonder," Batgirl said, "Because we're about to be eaten by a hoard of mutated bed bugs!"

"At least they're not from Killer Moth!" Robin said, "Though I wouldn't be surprised if Sandman stole them from Moth."

"There is no honor among thieves, after all," Batman said.

"How are we gonna get out of this one?" Robin asked, "Those bed bugs are gonna eat us alive."

"Although my universal-bug repellent bat-spray is in my utility belt which they removed, we can still stop these bugs and avoid being crush by this compressing mattress." Batman said.

"How?" Batgirl asked.

"Well, Batgirl, at the speed they're going, those bugs will descend on us in a matter of minutes," Batman said, as the mutated insects inched closer and closer while the helpless trio remained trapped in the bed, which slowly continued to contract. "If I'm right, we have about 30 seconds to make our move to both release us from the bed and repel the bugs."

"How are we going to do that?" Robin asked.

"Simple, Robin," Batman said, "We distract the bugs with the right frequency."

"But how you going to do that without your utility belt?" Batgirl asked.

"Simple Batgirl," Batman said, "although Sandman and Minerva removed my utility belt, they failed to check my gloves, where they'd find a small transceiver that connects to the devices within my utility belt. With it, I can operate any bat-gadget of mine remotely, like this!" With the press of a button, a low-level frequency emitted from his utility belt, along with a few sprays of the universal bug-repellent bat-spray, causing the bugs to scurry away.

"You did it, Batman!" Robin said. "Now all we need to do is get free from this murderous mattress!"

"Indeed, old chum," Batman said, "And I see only one solution!"

"Better make it fast," Batgirl said, "I'm about to get a herniated disc!"

"Not to fear, Batgirl," Batman, "I've remotely attached 3 sets of bat-rockets to our feet and we'll blast out of here in 3…2…" Before the Caped Crusader could finish counting down, the three were launched from the mattress with ease.

"Wow, Batman!" Robin said, "This is just like how we escaped from Riddler's quicksand cake trapi! Am I ever glad you made improvements to the bat-jet rockets!"

"Yes," Batman said, "They have come in handy."

"And even though they've done a number on my heels, considering our situation, I can't complain," Batgirl said, "This certainly would've come in handy back when Egghead and Olga were drowning me in that tub of caviar.ii"

"Indeed, Batgirl," Batman said, "Now we have to figure out what Sandman and Minerva's next move is. C'mon, Robin, to the Batcave!"

"Wait!" Batgirl called, as the Dynamic Duo started to run off, "Shouldn't we work together on this? We are a team, after all, aren't we?"

"She does have a point, Batman." Robin said.

"And I think as a team, we should be able to know each other's true identities." Batgirl said. Batman and Robin gave each other concerned looks and finally, after a long pause, Batman spoke.

"We'll discuss that later, Batgirl," Batman said, "Right now, you'll have to accompany us to the Batcave, and like before, we'll need to give you a whiff of Bat-gas."

"If you insist, Batman," Batgirl, as he proceeded to promptly spray her with the knockout drug and they carried her to the Batcave. Later, they arrived in the Batcave, and after Alfred made himself scarce, Batman sprayed Batgirl with the can of bat-wake.

"Wow, it's been a while since I was here last.iii" Batgirl said.

"Yes, right before we faced Minerva the first time." Batman said, "Now, we need to figure out what she and the Sandman are up to."

"Sandman mentioned some throat spray formula of his," Batgirl said.

"Correct, Batgirl," Batman said, "It's the same formula I was exposed to back when I faced the Siren after she controlled Chandell and a bunch of male patrons of a nightclub.iv I had wondered who had given her that formula, but I wasn't aware it was Sandman until now."

"Now that you mention it, I remember some of the patrons talking about strange characters they saw there fitting the descriptions of Sandman and Minerva." Batgirl said.

"How do you know that, Batgirl?" Robin asked.

"I…happened to be driving by Police Headquarters on my Batgirlcycle when the witnesses were being questioned," she said, covering up the real truth that she was visiting her father that morning as Barbara Gordon. She couldn't understand why she still was so hesitant to reveal her true identity, especially when she was so eager to learn the identities of Batman and Robin.

"So how do we know what their next move will be?" Robin asked.

"We don't, old chum," Batman said, "We can, however, hypothesize what they might do next. We know that they have plans to unleash their formula on the unsuspecting citizens of Gotham. The best way to do that is either through the air or the water supply. We know Joker has been notorious for affecting the water supply in the past, so they may not try that. Perhaps they'll unleash it via the air or some other chemical agent."

"We know Minerva is a beautician by trade," Batgirl said, "Not to mention she had a small chemical lab in her spa, no doubt to test new products, and has her secret-extracting hairdryers. They'll probably introduce the formula to clients at the spa."

"Just like they did with Aun-, I mean, Mrs. Cooper," Robin said, catching himself before he made known Harriet Cooper was his aunt and thus revealing himself as Bruce Wayne's youthful ward, Dick Grayson.

"We still have no idea what the formula will do," Batman said.

"Other than the fact that Scarecrow and Siren aided Sandman while they worked together in THRUSH." Batgirl said.

"Excellent point, Batgirl," Batman said, "With that in mind, let's go pay a visit on the illustrious Professor Crane at his cell at Arkham."

"Not to mention the sinister but sexy Lorelei Circe!" Robin said. Batman raised his eyebrows beneath his cowl. "What? I'm not a kid anymore, Batman! She turns me on!"

"Just make sure you exercise caution, old chum," Batman said, "The Siren's looks lead to danger with her entrancing voice!"

"You're right, Batman," Robin said, "Maybe Catwoman's moll Pussycat will go out with me instead."

Batman rolled his eyes and they raced to the Batmobile.

**MEANWHILE, IN A REMOTE LOCATION, THE SANDMAN AND MINERVA PLOT THEIR NEXT SINISTER SCHEME!**

"So you're suggesting ve release ze formula through my beauty products?" Minerva asked.

"Precisely, my dear," Sandman said, as he traipsed around their new lair, an abandoned mattress factory. "Not only will we be able to milk Gotham's elite for all they're worth, but we'll cause chaos, the likes of which this city has never seen!"

"You'd better be careful about chaos, dahling," Minerva said, "I've heard certain _smart_ government agents can put a stop to it."

"You mean Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin?" Sandman asked, referring to the UNCLE agents who helped the Terrific Trio defeat him and his fellow Gotham rogues-turned THRUSH agents before. "Not to worry about them. This caper shouldn't attract the attention of UNCLE or anyone else, and even if it does, I'm more than capable of handling them. And with the Terrific Trio now dearly departed, we can proceed with phase two of our master plan."

"Which is?" Minerva asked.

"Total control over Gotham City's populace!" Sandman said, "Have the invitations to Gotham's wealthy been sent?"

"Yes, dahling," Minverva said, "Artemis Knab, John E. Carson, Veronica Vreeland, Sophia Starr, Hattie Hatfield and several others have confirmed they vill be arriving for treatment."

"Excellent," Sandman said, "And soon it will be off to dreamland for them, off to easy living for us, and off to Hell on earth for Gotham City!"

**MEANWHILE, AT THE ARKHAM INSTITUTE, THE TERRIFIC TRIO ARE HARD AT WORK INTERROGATING OLD FOES, THE SIREN AND THE SCARECROW!**

"What do you know about the Sandman's plans with his diabolical throat spray?" Batman asked, hunching over a table. Lorelei Circe, aka the Siren sat in a chair, an overhead lamp shining down on her and a power-inhibiting collar adorned her neck.

"I know he graciously gave it to me to use as a test-run," Siren said, "When we were in THRUSH together, we briefly talked about it, but we didn't know if we could trust Hugo Strange with that knowledge or not. I have no idea what he plans to use it for now. He hasn't told me anything. We haven't even spoken since the THRUSH debacle."

Meanwhile, in an adjacent room, Robin and Batgirl were interrogating Professor Jonathan Crane, aka the Scarecrow.

"Figures they send a Robin to interrogate a Scarecrow," Crane said.

"What do you know about Sandman's throat spray formula?" Robin asked. "Sandman said you helped him with it while you were in THRUSH together."

"Yes, we did tinker with it a little bit," the Master of Fear said, "According to Siren and Sandman, it's supposed to create a hallucinogenic experience. I figured why not try to introduce people to their worst fears!"

"Holy nightmares!" Robin said.

"People would be trapped in their nightmares forever!" Batgirl said, "That seems too grand a scope, even for you, Scarecrow!"

"Holy horror!" Robin said, turning to Dr. Joan Leland, "That can't be his destiny, doctor!"

"It won't be, Boy Wonder!" she replied.

The Tireless Trio met up after interrogating the suspects.

"What'd you get out of Siren, Batman?" Robin asked.

"Nothing that we didn't already know," Batman said. "What about Scarecrow?"

"Besides that he wanted to trap everyone in their worst nightmares, nothing substantial." Batgirl said.

"Where could Sandman and Minerva strike next?" Robin asked.

"I don't know," Batman said, "But I do recall hearing about an event Millionaire Bruce Wayne was supposed to attend, a relaxing spa treatment."

"Holy manicures!" Robin said, "That sounds like Minerva!"

"I didn't know you followed Mr. Wayne's social calendar so closely, Batman." Batgirl said.

"As one of Gotham's wealthiest citizens, Mr. Wayne is often the target of the city's extensive criminal element." Batman said.

"Joker, Egghead, King Tut, Penguin, Catwoman, Clock King, Mr. Freeze, Minstrel, Bookworm, Marsha Queen of Diamonds…" Robin said, recounting the many criminals who have robbed and/or kidnapped Bruce in the past.

"It's my duty as a crime-fighter to protect all of Gotham's citizens, from the wealthiest to the poorest." Batman said.

"Speaking of the wealthy, let's get to that spa soiree before it's too late!" Batgirl said, as the 3 of them got in the Batmobile.

**MEANWHILE, BACK AT MINERVA'S SPA, GOTHAM CITY'S MOST ILLUSTRIOUS CITIZENS PREPARE FOR A SOOTHING TREATMENT, UNAWARE THAT THEY ARE ABOUT TO BE THE VICTIMS OF ANOTHER SINISTER SCHEME! **

Sophia Starr, John E. Carson, and Artemis Knab all sat in chairs.

"Excellent, dahlings," Minerva cooed, "Just relax vhile ve begin treatment!"

"Ms. J. Pauline Spaghetti isn't on the guest list, is she?" Sandman whispered to Minerva.

"No, dahling, the noodle heiress vill not be joining us." Minerva assured him.

"That's a relief," Sandman said. With the press of a button, Minerva lowered the hairdryers onto the clients and turned on her deepest secret extractor. All of them where in a trance, courtesy of the Sandman's sleeping powder coated on the inside of the hairdryers.

"Ve'll start vith Ms. Sophia Starr." Minerva said, "Tell me your secrets, dahling!"

She listened in via a two-way radio and repeated back what she heard.

"As a member of the Court, I vas tasked to woo the Penguin and indoctrinate him on the Court's teachings." Minerva said. "Vhat is she talking about? I vant to know vhere you keep your valuables, dahling!"

"Let me try, my dear," Sandman said, as he walked over to her chair. "Ms. Starr, you are asleep in your penthouse apartment. Tell me where you keep your most prized possessions."

"In the…top drawer of my…hope chest by my bed…lies a jeweled necklace…of…an owl," Sophia said, groggily.

"Excellent, Miss Starr," Sandman said, "Now how does one bypass security in your apartment?"

"There are…two alarms set up," Sophia said, "You need to…deactivate the first by typing in code, 122629, and the second…with the code…C.O.O."

"Thank you, Ms. Starr." Sandman said, "You may return to your bedchamber." She got up, and slowly walked over to the waiting arms of Sandman and Minerva's henchmen, who then transported her back home.

"I don't know how you did that, dahling," Minerva said.

"Trick of the trade, my dear." Sandman said.

"I still don't know what she meant by the Penguin and some court." Minerva said.

"A mystery to be solved later," Sandman said, "Right now we need to continue our task. I gave Miss Starr a small sample of the formula, mixed with some lovely perfume that Lotus, former assistant to Louie the Lilac, concocted for me." Minerva went to extract information from the next client: John E. Carson, father of Lisa Carson, otherwise known as Cleopatra. Before she could activate her deepest secret extractor, she was halted by a swift batarang toss.

"Game's over, Minerva!" an authoritative female voice shouted, as Batgirl was perched on the windowsill.

"Batgirl!" Minerva exclaimed, "Get her, dahlings!" John E. Carson and Artemis Knab arose from their chairs in a hypnotic gaze and grabbed the curvaceous crime-fightress before she could react.

"Gentlemen, put her in the chair!" Sandman commanded.

"Let her go!" Batman shouted as he burst in with Robin.

"I don't know how you three managed to survive my, er, our deathtrap, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, given your exploits. In any case, Batgirl will be our first volunteer to test the formula on the city's crime-fighters. It should already be taking effect on Ms. Sophia Starr, right about…now." Sandman said.

Meanwhile, at Sophia Starr's apartment…

"'Evening, Ms. Starr," a security guard greeted her, as she was walking with her jewelry in a hypnotic daze. "Going back out?" She promptly punched him in the face and then continued walking without blinking an eye. A couple other guards saw this encounter and went to grab the disoriented debutante. She screamed as they grabbed her, as she saw them as fearsome monsters. She handed the jewels to Sandman's henchmen who were disguised as more guards. Meanwhile, she started ferociously clawing at the guards' faces.

"Got the jewels, boss." One of them said via radio.

"Excellent, Snooze." Sandman said, "Now distribute the rest of the formula, and return to headquarters."

"What have you done, you sleep-inducing scoundrel?" Batman asked.

"I recall Lord Ffogg once criticized my plan to introduce sleep dust into the city's atmospherev, so I decided to try a new method. Syringes. It's quick and less detectable."

"But you'd have to administer your fiendish formula to the entire city!" Batman said.

"Not quite, Batman," Sandman said, "Once the first group is effected, my formula then spreads like a virus, going from person-to-person contact."

Back at the apartment, Sophia and every person near her were causing chaos, destroying property and attacking each other.

"Similar to the Riddler's temper tonic he introduced at Mr. Van Jones' partyvi." Batman said.

"Perhaps," Sandman said, "Though the effects are somewhat more…permanent. Soon the entire city will go insane. Now, it's Batgirl's turn!"

"You madman!" Batman shouted, "I won't let you touch her!"

"I won't do anything to her." Sandman said.

"I just have to get the secrets from her," Minerva said.

"Take me instead!" Batman said.

"Batman, are you sure you want to?" Robin asked.

"Yes, Robin," Batman said, "If anything happened to that poor girl, I could never live with myself."

"She can take care of herself, Batman," Robin said, "It is 1969, after all."

"You know what I mean, old chum," Batman said, "Besides, she's in quite the predicament, after all."

"You have a deal, Caped Crusader." Sandman said, "Strap him up to the adjacent chair, boys."

"Let her go!" Batman shouted.

"I never said anything about that!" Sandman said. "Turn it on, Minerva!" Minerva turned on the deepest secret extractor.

"Tell me, dahlings," she said, "Tell me your true identities!"

Robin threw another batarang at the machine, causing it to spark. The electrical surge crossed the wires of Batman and Batgirl's separate apparatuses. Batman saw Barbara Gordon change into Batgirl, and Batgirl saw Bruce Wayne put on his batsuit. The hypnotized John E. Carson and Artemis Knab grabbed the Boy Wonder. Batman and Batgirl took off the hairdryers and knocked out the mind-controlled millionaires with bat-sleeping pellets.

"Very clever, Caped Crusaders, using sleep gas to deter them, but that's my modus operandi!" Sandman said.

"Tell us how to stop your somnambulistic savagery, you maniac!" Batman said.

"I'm afraid the effects might be permanent," Sandman said.

"Not quite, Sandman!" Robin said. "We gave a copy of your formula to a friend of ours who's inoculating the city as we speak!"

"I wonder who that could be…" Batgirl mused cheekily.

"It's over, Sandman, you continental curmudgeon!" Batman said.

"That's what you think, Batman!" Sandman said. "Minerva, activate plan B!" Minerva went to activate a switch, but Batgirl stopped her with a swift high kick.

"Sorry, Minerva, but your spa days have just run out!" Batgirl said. Batman promptly knocked Sandman out with a swift uppercut to the jaw.

**LATER, IN THE BATCAVE…**

"So you're really Bruce Wayne?" Batgirl asked. Batman removed his mask.

"And you're really Barbara Gordon." Batman said. She removed her mask and wig. "Minerva's machine told me everything. Thanks to Robin's interference."

"Or rather, Dick." Barbara said.

"Sorry, Batman," Robin said.

"No need to apologize, old chum," Batman said. "It was bound to come this eventually, and I'm glad it did."

"You won't tell my father, will you?" Barbara asked.

"So long as you don't tell him our identities." Bruce replied.

"You have my solemn word," Barbara said, "Though there is someone known to all three of us who's managed to keep our secrets." As she said this, Alfred came out of the service elevator.

"I'm sorry, sirs, miss," Alfred said, "I did my best to keep your secrets. I know it was not my place to divulge such information against your discretion."

"Rest easy, Alfred," Bruce said, "I commend your nobility and honor."

"Yes, Alfred," Barbara said, "You had every opportunity to tell them, but you didn't. You are a true gentleman."

"I must admit, though," Bruce said, "I did have my suspicions."

"I, as well," Barbara said. "Though it will be easier for us now, knowing each other's secrets."

"That it will, Barbara." Bruce said.

**EASIER? IT'S NEVER EASY IN GOTHAM CITY! FOR IN THE PENTHOUSE APARTMENT OF SOPHIA STARR…**

"Everything went as planned," Sophia said over the phone, "The Terrific Trio eliminated the Sandman's hallucinogenic formula."

"Excellent, Miss Starr," a female voice said over the phone, "Now to prepare for phase two of our master plan."

"What's my role in it?" Sophia asked.

"You'll know when we call upon you," she said.

"Of course, Ms. Clavicle," Sophia said, as she adjusted her jeweled owl broach. "I live to serve the Court." She hung up the phone.

"And the Court has big plans for Gotham City," Nora Clavicle said from a secret location. She placed an owl mask over her face, and turned to face a group of others wearing the same mask.

THE END(?)

i See Batman '66 episode, "Batman's Anniversary/A Riddling Controversy"

ii See Batman '66 episode, "The Ogg Couple"

iii See Batman '66 episode, "The Entrancing Dr. Cassandra"

iv See Batman '66 comic story, "Chandell's Chanteuse", print issue 2, digital issue 6

v See Batman '66 comic issue #19

vi See Batman '66 episode, "Death in Slow Motion"


End file.
